Bulimia makes me crazy!!! whaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

This weekend was interesting. My party was great! Emotionally, I was able to handle the big crowd and enjoy the company of my friends and family.
As far as food went, I was totally satisfied with a reasonable amount of food. Even though not all the food was considered diet foods or "safe", I still enjoyed what I ate without feeling like I had to analyze every little calorie.
Having my family and friends throw me such a nice party meant sooooo much to me. Every person there was so special to me, and everyone's kindness really touched me.

The issues started when the party was over...and I was all alone with the left over desert. It's becoming a habit for me to eat when I'm alone, whether I want to or not.
Though I had a nice piece of cake with everyone else, I still felt the compulsion to stuff my face when no one was around. I took the time to think some of it through. Did I really want to binge without laxatives? Where will all these calories go if I can't purge them. Should I risk eating all this when vomiting might not work?
I considered these questions; but not once did I ask myself: Why do I want to shove all this cake in my mouth? How am I going to feel after all the cake is gone?
Well, I decided I would eat half the pan of cake and try my best to make it all come back up.
Of course, the cake stayed down, and only the water I chugged came up.
So, as crappy as I felt, I continued to binge on cake and other party left-overs the next morning. I made an attempt to restock my laxative supply later that day. Luckily, my parents were watching out for me, and stopped me before I could even reach the drugstore counter.
Now, I have no intentions of using my birthday money to harm myself with laxatives.

My mom and I set new goals, and I'm starting totally fresh this week. I have a road trip to look forward to, so I want to be as healthy as possible for that. My Grandma and my mom are taking me to Solvang, Cambria, Hearst Castle, and a bunch of different tea houses for my birthday! I really, really, really don't want bulimia to ruin our fun. The trip is in two weeks!
Two weeks of healthy, binge-free eating is not going to kill me :-)
With God's help, nothing is too difficult. Besides, He's helped me do it before, so he can help me do it again.