Vacation Blues

Grrrrrr!!!!
Why do I binge every time I go on vacation???!!!
Yeah, so as you all have noticed...I LOVE FOOD!
And vacation food is just ohhhhh soooooo tempting and yummy. I think most people struggle with over eating when they go on vay-cay, but I take it much more seriously. I know all the physiological and emotional issues behind over eating and binging, yet I still do it. It FEELS good.

...and now, I feel gross.

but good news: no purging or laxatives were involved; just a whole lot of chocolate, ice cream and french fries.

Can I be honest with all 'yall?
I feel just about as chubby, fat, and unattractive as I did three years ago, before I went all crazy with the weight loss programs and all that crap.
I don't- I repeat- don't want to fall back into that cycle. I hated dieting, restricting, and the constant worry of gaining weight. I hate the weight, size, and shape I am now; but I can't do anything about it without going back down that road again. I'm caught between a crappy rock and a hard place, dang it!
I just wanna be thin again!!!!!!!!!!

But then I must wonder...why??? Why do I want desperately to be thin again? Why is that suddenly my goal in life?
Man, it's soooo easy to put my security in my outward appearance rather than who God says I am. And here's why: people can make judgements based on appearance right off the bat. They can say, "oh, she's beautiful so she's valuable."
Oh! More wrong thinking! Again, I'm letting others determine my value when that's been God's job all along.
It's that dumb cycle again. I get thin, people approve of me, they value me, I suddenly feel valued, and my worth and value is based on my appearance.

I know it's wrong!!! I know it, I know it, I know it! That's why I'm taking the time to write out my thought patterns tonight- so I can identify where my thinking is warped. It all starts when I let others put a price tag on me. I can't let others determine my worth and value! My value is in who I am in Christ, not who the world says I am...the world gets it wrong every time! The world says, "Rachelle has chubby thighs and saddle bags, so she's not worth anything," or, "Rachelle isn't nearly as outgoing and bubbly as she should be, so she's not as valuable as the other girls."
Yeah, those of you who know me may be thinking, oh, but I've always valued Rachelle! (at least that's my hope...)
But the rest of the world probably finds me inferior next to most girls.
Hold a picture of my hips and thighs next to a photo of Megan Fox and one word comes to mind: INFERIOR!
Compare my personality to the rest of my friends and you'll know what I mean: Hmmmm, how should we describe Rachelle? Boring, shy, quiet, not talkative enough.

So the world is hard on girls like me. And that's why I can't let the world tell me how valuable I am- there just gonna tell me a big fat lie!

How do I know the world is lying?

Because God says otherwise!!! His Word is the Truth! He tells me in His Word that I am loved and beautiful, and there is no flaw in me! (Song of Solomon 4:7)
He says I am of great worth and value, and that I am a masterpiece! (Ephesians 2:10)

So yes, I'm probably the heaviest weight I've been in my entire life, but that doesn't change my TRUE worth or my value (yes, it certainly changes my value in the world's eyes- we can't deny that). But the world does not have the right to steal my joy, my happiness, and my confidence. I am confident in Christ and who God has made me! I refuse to base my identity on my outward appearance and my weight!
...my weight may go up and down, but my worth and value stays always the same.

~For all the daughters of The King:
Proverbs 31
A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman (that's us!!!)-She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls...Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised! (Yay!)
-Amplified Bible