Some Background

Ok, so let me tell you a little bit more about my struggle.
I wasn't always concerned about my weight or appearance. In fact, up until my freshman year of high school, I couldn't care less about what I ate. Sure, I liked to look nice and put together (my hair always being my main focus); but I didn't start obsessing until I turned 15. Entering high school after being home schooled for 5 years came as a shock to me. I became very insecure as friends I had gone to school with earlier in elementary school rejected and ignored me.
Luckily, performing arts led me to new friendships, and I began to build some confidence again.
My solid group of friends were my church friends- buddies from birth, I could always count on them to make me feel accepted.

During my sophomore year, I decided to go on my first crash diet. I had been accepted to attend a modeling/acting conference in Los Angeles, and I wanted to look my best. I lost a tremendous amount of weight in a short amount of time. I loved the fast results and the affirmation I received from my friends.
This was the start of my "yo-yo dieting" that began to consume my life.
I wasn't signed with a modeling or acting agent after the conference in LA, so I quickly gained the weight back, ditching the diet and eating much more than I used to.
Once I would see weight coming back on, I would skip a meal or two a day, or eat only veggies. My eating habits became a bizarre cycle of starvation, then over eating. I could go days without food, but a binge was always around the corner.

I knew my eating habits were far from normal, and I longed to eat like my friends, but guilt always set in when I strayed from my dieting. More guilt would set in when I would binge (usually on something loaded with fat or carbs- two things I would deprive myself of).

The fad diets continued, and so did the binging. Junior year, I tried it all- from green tea, to extreme diet pills, to cabbage soup and grapefruit. These all led to temporary weight loss...and disappointment.
Before I turned 17, I became obsessed with fitness and exercise. I had a traumatic semester at my high school, so my parents agreed to let me home school again. This gave me time to get in shape, though the binging would still continue.

I spent most of my birthday money on diet pills; that's when my grandma became concerned about my obsession and introduced me to the weight watchers point system. She made me promise to stop the diet pills and gave me a weight watchers food book. This book became my constant companion for months. I was actually able to keep weight off consistently, and soon I was able to see big results.
As summer came around, losing weight was my number one focus. My diet was completely fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free, and low carb. One ounce of sugar, and one gram of fat, and I would go ballistic.
This was when the laxatives came in. These harsh stimulant laxatives were my back up plan in case I slipped up and consumed too many calories (even if I had a morsel of chocolate- my worst enemy). Purging with laxatives was much easier for me than throwing up, though I had developed that habit as well.
My weight began to drop rapidly, and soon family and friends became even more concerned. My mom and I had agreed upon a specific weight for me to maintain, but I had fallen far bellow that number.

No matter how much weight I lost, I was never satisfied. "Just five more pounds" is what I would say. Over time, those five pounds became over 40, and I was still unsatisfied, miserable, and trapped in a pit. The binging and purging had consumed me. There were often times I thought I would die due to an overdose of laxatives. The pain was so excruciating as I would take five times the daily dosage, and also experiment by mixing different kinds. My mouth also began to bleed from vomiting so consistently. I absolutely hated who I had become and the lifestyle I had chosen.
I finally asked my my family members and youth leaders for help. They formed a support group for me, and are now committed to help me through my struggle and out of my pit.
I am so happy God has blessed me with an amazing family and loving friends. They have been so kind and understanding throughout this journey towards healing.
God has provided so many tools for my success. I have a new friend who has overcome anorexia, a caring counselor, a fantastic doctor, and an awesome fitness coach/ nutritionist.

Of course, my eating disorder didn't happen overnight, and neither will my recovery. (This took me a while to realize)
I still have my setbacks, but I am able to learn and grow from each of them. With the Lord's help, I can walk in victory.