A Revelation of His Love

Hi beautiful readers!!!
This has been such a summer of transformation for me, and it is only the beginning!
I recently had a counseling appointment at the Bethel Transformation Center here in Redding, and I received such revelation and breakthrough! This past year, I have had so much fear in regards to giving my whole heart to The Lord, and I really couldn't place where the fear was coming from. During worship at BSSM, I would picture myself down on my knees and surrendering my life to the Lord, and crying out, "I'm yours Lord, I'm all yours!" Or I would picture myself dancing before the Lord with so much freedom and abandon.
I would think, why cant I do that? What's holding me back?
I wanted so badly to surrender to God's plan for my life, but I still clung to that little bit of control and that voice that says, I know whats best for me. If I give up control, I might get hurt.
My entire year at BSSM was filled with frustration as I battled with this issue of control.

During my counseling session, I was finally able to let go of my boyfriend and release him, knowing that it's not my job to take care of him, it's God's. My counselor and I were also able to pinpoint what needs my ex was filling, and it boiled down to affirmation and security. I would receive affirmation via text, and I had a false sense of security when I pictured a future with him- free military housing, a stable income. But this affirmation, and false security were both so unhealthy!
My counselor and I came up with a game plan to get these needs met, starting with declaring what the Lord says about me (something mercy ministries taught me). I remembered my truth booklet I had made at mercy, and all of the declarations I used to say years ago, and how much that helped with my self esteem. It saddened me to see how easily I had forgotten to declare who I am in Christ, and how my truth booklet had been collecting dust for so long.
But the enemy will stop at nothing to get God's children to believe the lie that they are not valuable, that they are worthless, that they do not have a destiny or future.
But guess what: I have great worth and value, and I have an incredible destiny and future! And so do YOU!!!

In my session, I also worked through the issue of security. I felt like I could not trust God with my future. Instead, I wanted to be in complete control. I told my counselor I wanted so badly to surrender my life, my plans, my everything to the Lord, but I thought I had to give up too many things, like my wants and desires.
We looked back at my childhood and how my father raised me. Once again, I was looking at Papa God through my earthly father "lenses." Growing up it was always, "you do what I want you to do; you be that way I want you to be; you go where I want you to go; you feel the way I want you to feel," from my Dad. I felt so controlled, and I felt like every decision I made was to make my dad happy, and I made no decisions based off of my own needs or wants.
After explaining this to my counselor, she led me in a prayer, and I encountered Jesus in the room! I felt Him sit down next to me and wrap His arms around me. I asked Him what would happen if I gave my whole heart to Him. I suddenly felt an overwhelming warmth flood my heart, and He replied, "I don't want to control you. All I want to do is love you."

I broke down in tears. My counselor asked if I wanted to let Him love me. "Yes!" I sobbed.
I felt such a shift in my heart and in my spirit when I opened up my heart to His love. Its a perfect love with no strings attached and no hidden agendas, and He does not set my needs or wants aside! He loves fully and completely, and this encounter still wreaks me! Now, I cannot help but breakdown and cry whenever someone mentions God's love. His love is just so amazing and so good!
My control related fear is now gone, and my security rests in His love!!!

Oh on a side note, I got inspiration for my first tattoo!!! I have a ton of other tattoos that I want to get done, but they're fairly big, and would be a bit expensive for the season I'm in right now.
This tattoo would be song lyrics, and I would get it on the inside of my forearm starting at the wrist and ending near the elbow- big, beautiful font!
I was in worship this past Sunday, and we were singing the song Closer, and of course I was bawling because most of the songs that morning were about God's love. But the lyrics that hit me the most were, "You're Love is so much stronger than anything I've faced."
Oh man! Those lyrics wreak me! And because of my journey, I would love to have those lyrics on my arm as a constant reminder of His goodness and His freaking amazing love!!! (Hopefully I wont cry every time I look down at my arm)
:)


PS: I had another (very intense!!!) inner healing session, so I'll be posting about that soon!

~Much love, Rachelle
xoxoxoxo