Lock and Key

As of now, the refrigerator doors are tightly secured. This was actually my idea. My mom and I went to Ace today and bought a lock and some heavy duty cord. Needless to say, the fridge is bulimic-proof.
Up until Sunday, I had gone six days without a binge or purge. Even with the elaborate buffet at the prom, I still managed to keep it together.
Oh yeah! I got to go to prom. It was an unexpected surprise, and I'm sooooo happy I didn't let my insecurities hold me back.
Prom also motivated me to stick to my structured eating, and work on building up my muscle tone. With a fun night like prom in sight, I had little difficulty meeting my goals.


Sunday was when things started heading downhill again. My cravings were the most intense they've been in a while. I normally crave sweet things, like chocolate or cookies...but this time, I NEEDED cheese. Nothing would satisfy me as I shoveled mountains of grated cheddar and pepper jack into my mouth.
Once the cheese was gone, the binging failed to cease. I moved on to bread- yummy, grainy, delicious bread. I consumed over half a loaf, purged, and went back for more. During my insane feast, my dad was napping upstairs and my mom was out for the day. I felt like this was my only chance to eat whatever I wanted. I thought I would be able to stop, but it never works that way.
My mom came home later that afternoon with a bag full of leftovers from tacos at my aunt's house; guess what was inside: MORE CHEESE!
And the binging continued...
This morning, I made about 20 trips to the fridge. I ran out of the kitchen with whatever I could grab and munched away in my room. Despite the millions of chores I've been neglecting, food was my number one focus- my only focus.
What if I could magically stop binging? I thought.
Screw magic! I need God's help!
I said a desperate prayer and asked the Lord to take away my capability to binge. Just then, a thought popped into my head, something I never would have thought of on my own.
The only thing between me and a whole block of cheese is the refrigerator door. If I can't get through the door, I can't get to the cheese- problem solved!!!

Now that the food is locked away, I have a lot more confidence and a lot more hope. There's a tub of icecream in the freezer, and a giant bowl of guacamole in the fridge...and I don't have to worry. I can be left home without any anxiety.
My ability to binge at home is gone! Thank the Lord!